Hugging Trees to Awaken your Sexual Energy
by Raimon Bellmunt
There is a diagnosis in the opening pages of this book. You are withered. Disconnected. Dehydrated by Wi-Fi, haste, and the neurosis of asphalt. Your pelvic floor is blocked. Your relationships leave you with, and we quote, “a thirty-second spasm and a cold body.”
The cure, according to Raimon Bellmunt, is a tree.
Specifically: hugging one. With your pelvis. In the forest. Without prejudices.
This is not a metaphor. The book provides exact anatomical alignment instructions for maximum bark-to-genitals contact, sacred postures for couples involving “the impenetrable diameter of a century-old trunk,” and guidance on achieving what the author calls the Photosynthetic Orgasm — a state of dendrophilic ecstasy that will, apparently, inject “the endurance of the oak and the strength of the sap into your bed.”
The author is sincere. Completely, devastatingly sincere. There is not a single wink in 200 pages. The forest is not a joke. The telluric energy is real. Your gonads need tuning.
Part four of The Mystical Anal Salutation series. Yes, there are three others. No, we are not okay.
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